I'm a silver streak (myheadphones) wrote in analfissure,
I'm a silver streak
myheadphones
analfissure

MY DEAR FISSURE TENDERS, THIS COMMUNITY IS NOW OPEN!


show me some real bruises on the face of humanity.

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my pal sent me this I laughed my ass off.

~*~*~*~*


So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward...she takes my arm and with trembling voice, she asks, "Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop.

Now, normally I just politely decline the sermon and free religious paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But, unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me with in the last 9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean if it's not Christians, it's the Jehovah's Witnesses. Can a simple Pagan get no peace?

So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic, I reply, "You people lost him, again??"

The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let her get going so I launch into a speech of my own.

"What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!" I glared at her in accusation. "I mean really..." I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!"

The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked she looks desperately to the car...surely one of the men can help. Undaunted I press on... "Maybe the problem is with you people. I mean Muslims never seem to lose their deity. Come to think of it, neither do Jews or Pagans of any kind."

I look at the man getting out of the car. He's all smiles. "I realize you people used to burn people like me at the stake. What was that about...a deity even? I may be a Pagan/Heathen, but I have never ever woke up panicked that I couldn't find my Goddess or God. They are always right where they should be... In the fire of my candle, in the air that I breathe, in the earth that I stand on, in the water of my spring. I never feel abandoned by my deity(ies).

"Of course, you Christians aren't much fun," I continue. By now they are all out of the car. Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words. "Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing Jesus. "He could have left due to religious differences. If I remember correctly, He was Jewish. So if you're really so eager to find him," I smile gently to soften the blow, "check the nearest synagogue. He's probably in there. Also, you folks should try and remember that this is America...where freedom of religion means ALL religions."

Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away.

I stand at the bus stop... No pamphlets, no Bible, no dogma. I haven't found Jesus, but then, I haven't lost him either.

Someone sent this to you because they believe no one can have too much Deity. It is a blessing in disguise. You can keep it to yourself or pass it on. Oh, and if you've found Jesus, please get his face on the evening news A.S.A.P, so the Christians can stop looking for him.